Conversations with my Sister

Her: "I'm about to be at Panera, cause I'm stressed. Should I get a bagel or macaroni and cheese?"

Me: "You should definitely get both."

Her: "I know. I do this when I'm overwhelmed."

Me: "Me too. Yesterday, when Ellie wouldn't stop crying, I went into my kitchen and boiled some noodles and then melted some butter on top of it."

Her: "Oh my gosh. With parmesan? Did you have parmesan?"

Me: "Yes."

Her: "Oh my gosh."

Paper Plates Are Becoming A Viable Option

As our marriage has progressed, so have my cooking abilities. I'm still not great, but I have become much more adventurous and confident. I try new things and I even add my own twist onto things as I go along. If awards were given out to everyday adults (and I'm pretty sure that should be a thing) I would definitely be nominated for "Most Improved in the Kitchen."

Because, let's face it, I pretty much knew how to make spaghetti when we first got married. Without the meat. And, of course, I've always been an expert at Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I WOULD BE A GOLD MEDALIST IN KRAFT MACARONI AND CHEESE MAKING. Let's just make that crystal clear.

On Sunday nights or Monday mornings, I sit down with my laptop and a pen and paper and I make my grocery list. The first thing I do is search for recipes (some new, some old favorites) to plan our meals for the week. I usually cook 3-4 times per week and I try to vary it up. I also try to make enough on Mondays to give us leftovers to last us through the week. Also, Monday nights we host small group and I like to make extra food since we usually have some people coming straight from work and they haven't eaten dinner yet.

This week's meals:

Monday: Southwestern Chicken and Vegetables
Tuesday: Steak and baked potatoes
Wednesday: BBQ Chicken Lettuce Wraps (made for today's lunch instead due to last minute dinner plans)
Thursday: Crock Pot Pork Ribs, Mashed Potatoes (from scratch, y'all) and fresh green beans

To be honest, I really do get great joy from making mashed potatoes from scratch. Over time, I've perfected my own little recipe. Although I could never write it down because I just eye ball everything. I've never been one to pay attention to detail.

Unfortunately, after 3 people in this household ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner in this household today... the dishes are abundant. Overflowing, if you will.

I have been loading this dishwasher for what feels like hours.

I just had to walk away for a minute and take a break. And I still have all those mixing bowls. And the crockpot. WITH THE PORK RIB GREASE. And the BURNED SAUCE CAKED ON TO THE SIDE OF THE CROCKPOT. 

SEND IN REINFORCEMENTS.

And also let it be known that we have zero clean knives in the silverware drawer. Every knife we own is in that dishwasher. And this is just from today.....

I think back to when we first bought this house at the end of 2009. It was just me and Grant. We were never home for breakfast, we were never home for lunch, and we were maybe home at a decent dinner hour once or twice a week. I probably cooked once a week. Which means I ran my dishwasher about twice a week. Seriously.

And now he works from home and I'm a stay at home mom and we have a toddler who requires many different beverages and snack cups in her busy life and I run my dishwasher every single dad-gum-live-long day. Sometimes twice a day.

And I need to go back and finish loading.

But I just want to sit on my couch and watch "The West Wing" because I am very hip and now and with it by watching a show that started in 1999.

It also needs to be said that nothing infuriates me more than when I can not fit all my dirty dishes in the dishwasher and some have to wait and sit in the sink until the next load. DRIVES ME CRAZY.

I already have enough crazy to go around. We don't need to add to it.

Maybe when I can't fit anymore dishes in there I'll just throw the remainder away. Sounds likes a plan to me. 

Dream Baby

Since her newborn days, Ellie has been a dream when it comes to sleeping. She LOVES to sleep. In her infancy, she would wake up long enough to eat and then she would immediately fall back to sleep. People always talk about sleepless nights for parents of a newborn, but for us, it just really wasn't all that bad.

We often would say to each other "I'm waiting for the day when she flips a switch and becomes a terror that refuses to fall asleep." The thing is... it has never happened. 

Ellie loves to sleep. She asks to go to sleep. She never, ever cries when I lay her in her crib. She just lays there quietly until she falls asleep. Sometimes she'll play and talk and sing, but eventually she falls asleep. She doesn't cry.

On the RARE occasion that she does not sleep through the night, it is always for a reason. She's teething or she's sick. But in the grand scheme of things, she's just easy easy easy when it comes to naps and bedtime.

Example: Last night I put her in bed at 7:00pm on the dot. She woke up this morning at 8:45am. NOT JOKING. And that is pretty standard, to be honest. 

So why am I telling you all of this? Am I just here to gloat and brag? No. I'm here to share something with you. I'm here to tell you a deep, dark fear.

THERE ARE DAYS I SERIOUSLY CONSIDER NOT HAVING A SECOND BABY.

Why? 

BECAUSE THE CHANCES THAT WE WIN THIS LOTTERY TWICE ARE SLIM TO NONE. 

I seriously don't know what we would do. We high five one another all the time like "we got this parenting thing down!" but we never did the cry it out business. She just asks to go to bed and we put her in bed. And she goes to sleep eventually after she sings and talks for awhile. 

WHAT WILL WE DO IF WE HAVE ANOTHER BABY WHO HATES SLEEPING?!?? 

It is a legitimate fear and one that paralyzes me all the time. 

I'm working on overcoming and being brave and all that jazz, but some days I just have to admit that I am a chicken about having another baby.

So clearly I need to be added to some prayer lists. 

Mother's Day 2014

Words cannot express my gratitude to the Lord for allowing me to be a mommy. I adore this little girl and everything that goes along with her. It is an honor to watch her grow and learn and love. She makes me laugh every single day. She is a gift. She is sunshine. 

And listen, let me say this. Those of you that so desperately want to be mamas but for some reason known only to the Lord you are not..... don't think for one minute that I didn't think about you all day. I cried for you this morning in church. I cried for you when I rocked Ellie to sleep tonight. I don't know why it's easier for some of us than for others. I don't know. I really don't. And I question it often. I ask Him why. I pray tonight that your heart will find peace, that it will be full, that you would feel His love, and that you have a picture just like this next year. 

Happy Mother's Day.