Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The 5 Senses: A Night in Our Kitchen

You may smell the fresh aroma of olive oil and garlic being sauteed in a sauce pan.

You may hear the sound of pasta boiling.

You may see the husband helping me with all the preparations.

You may taste the tomato cream sauce as it boils.

You may feel the love in the room.

You may smell the parsley and realize that you accidentally bought cilantro.

And by the way you may or may not remember that I HATE CILANTRO WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND SUNS.

You may hear the sound of white wine being poured into the sauce.

You may see flames shooting as high as the sky as you anticipate the whole house to set aflame.

You may taste the sauce on your face and clothing as you try to recover from the explosion.

You may feel ridiculous as you and your husband cover yourselves in towels and oven mitts to turn down the heat.

You may hear the husband tell you to get out of the kitchen and that there is too much going on with two people trying to clean up. And you may hear yourself walking out of the kitchen while drooping over like a rag doll and proclaiming for the 17th time that you were following directions and that this wasn't supposed to happen and now what do we do.

You may see your husband wiping down the tile backsplash and the floors.

You may smell the 409 as it scrubs down all surfaces in the entire household.

You may taste an Oreo cookie.

You may feel like that was a total waste of time.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Someone Needs to be Smacked

I'm just so upset I can hardly stand it.

I was at HEB tonight stocking up on groceries for the week.

Of course, on Sundays it is a total madhouse and people are not in fantastic moods, but this was just off the charts ridiculous.

I get up to the check-out and in front of me is a young girl, maybe 11 or 12 years old. Her grocery cart was very full. As I walk up behind her, she turns around and sees me. She looked around awkwardly for a minute, and then said, "I guess you can go ahead and go in front of me, my mom isn't back yet".

"Where did your mom go?" I asked.

"She forgot something. She went back to get it. She isn't back yet so you can just go ahead."

"Are you sure? We can wait a minute and see if she comes back soon?"

"No, that's okay, you go ahead. She's been gone awhile."

I thanked her (several times) and went on ahead of her.

The check-out girl finished scanning all my groceries, and the mom was still not back. As I was handing over my coupons, I see a woman walk up towards our aisle. She had a disgusted look on her face. She (loudly) says to her daughter, "WHY IS THAT GIRL CHECKING OUT IN FRONT OF US?"

The little girl hung her head and said "Well, Mom, you weren't here and people were waiting..."


"But, Mom..... you were gone a long time, and there were people waiting, and there is a lot of stuff in this cart and I don't have any money and I can't pay for it and..."


Yes, she did.

She called her daughter that word.


For all of the HEB to hear.

Y'all I am just sick. When that little girl's eyes started to fill with tears I was covered head to toe with a mixture of guilt and outrage.

I don't even know what else to say but I just am so upset.


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My Eyebrows Need Waxing

My hair needs trimming

The floor needs sweeping

The weather needs cooling

My legs need tanning

My sheets need washing

My arms need toning

My toes need painting

Lady Gaga needs helping

My stomach needs crunching

My toilets need scrubbing

Grey's Anatomy needs returning

My nieces and nephews need holding

Christmas music needs listening

My laundry needs folding

My lips need balming

My soul needs calming

Saturday, September 18, 2010

You Can't Expect An 80 Year Old Woman To Do This

I knew it was coming.

Friday morning I overslept and rushed to get to work on time.

Once I got there, I made myself a big, BIG cup of coffee.

Problem is, I never really woke up.

Around 1:30 I made a quick Starbuck's run and got another VENTI coffee.

Still, nothing. Zero energy.

People kept saying to me at work, "I don't know how you're going to do it tonight, Jen. I don't think you're gonna make it".

They were referring to the fact that I had volunteered and/or been guilted into working at a lock-in. A LOCK-IN. Meaning the hours are from 8:00pm - 8:00am.

In the last month I have learned something about myself. And this is the fact that around 9:00pm I hit a wall and can no longer function. So the idea of staying up all the night long was more than overwhelming to me. It seemed like an impossibility. Because I am 80 years old.

I texted my friend Amy who was also being guilted into coming. "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME" I said. She replied "No, I've been in Ft. Worth all week for work and the last thing I wanna do as soon as I get home is go to a lock-in". Although her point was very valid, I persisted. "I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. PLEASE don't leave me alone. What if I could get Lindsee to come? It would be the three of us? Like old times?". After what seemed like forever she finally texted me back and said "Okay, maybe I'll bring my air mattress and we can just power through".

All in all, we made it fun. The Talent Show that the children did which lasted from 12:15-1:50am started off funny, got really really boring and painful, and then came back to funny again at the end. I think we were delerious which is why it got funny again.

There were no less than 4 acts that performed something from Wicked. It took every ounce Lindsee and I had not to run up there and yank the microphone away and show them how it's done.

One little boy simply recited from memory the Continental airlines flight attendant speech they do before takeoff... IN ITS ENTIRETY, and the proceed to do the landing speech as well. That was his talent.

Lindsee left us at 2:00 am because she is a traitor. Or, just really smart.

But Amy and I blew up the air mattress and slept soundly while it deflated slowly throughout the hours of 3:30am-7:00am.

When the first child woke up, I packed up my business and got the heck out of there. Straight back home and into bed where I woke up again at 11:00 THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I did some laundry then slept again from 1:30-3:00 this afternoon.

Another nap may be on the horizon.

I don't think I'll recover for weeks.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Collection of Unrelated Things

When reviewing my previous post, I want to make 2 things clear:

1. I am very appreciative of my job and I do not dread going there. I simply dread getting out of bed and putting on nice clothes and wearing high heels.

2. My husband is not lazy, quite the contrary. He is a VERY hard worker and he just has a job that doesn't require him to be there quite as early as I do.

Just wanted to clear those things up!

I made a new meal the other night and it was a huge hit.

I made my homemade mashed red potatoes which continues to be a favorite in our household. I also got some yummy organic carrots and organic broccoli from the produce section and steamed them, then tossed them in butter and olive oil to make them less healthy. And finally, I rubbed pepper, seasoning salt and dry mustard on a flank steak and cooked it in a skillet, then cut it into strips and served them on a romaine lettuce salad.

DELICIOUS and the husband also greatly enjoyed it :) Ever since we've been in our house (9 months now, can you believe it?!?) I've really started to enjoy cooking. I think it has something to do with having cabinet space and counter space that I never had in our apartment. Perhaps I don't want to collapse into a heap on the floor and cry now that I don't feel so claustrophobic!

By the way, I'm MEGA proud of my husband. You know how he plays golf ALL THE TIME? Well, I guess it paid off for him a bit. He played in a tournament yesterday that is a qualifier tournament for the Houston City Amateur. And you know what? He made the cut! He got 8th place! It was a goal for him to make the cut for the City Am and he acheived it! SO proud of him.

To close this post that is ever-so interesting, I will leave you with a quote from my 3 year old niece, Grace Parker:

"Jesus can protect us, even though He is an itty bitty baby".

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Don't Like It

I don't like it when the alarm on my bedside table goes off every morning at 5:43am. I turn the alarm off in an irritated fashion and fall right back asleep.

I don't like it when my cellphone alarm goes off in the kitchen at exactly 5:58am. I usually try to incorporate the sound into my dream, but eventually, I have to open my eyes. I have to sit up and place my feet on the floor. And then, moaning and groaning from soreness due to last night's workout, I waddle into the kitchen. My house is pitch black. So dark and so quiet. And so perfect for sleeping.

I turn off the alarm. My blackberry alerts me that I have 16 new emails. I don't like that.

I turn on the kitchen light. I turn on the porch light and the entry hall light.

I stand there and look around.

I do a quick inventory to judge whether or not I feel ill in any way, or if there is anything going on with me that would warrant a sick day. Kidneys seem fine. Stomach seems fine. Throat seems fine.


I look at the couch. My fuzzy, snuggly puppy dog is all curled up, sleeping. I would love to be sleeping.

I continue my waddle as I pass through the bedroom on my way to the bathroom.

I stop. My husband is fast asleep in our bed. Our big, comfy, warm, bed. A bed filled with sleep. In our dark, quiet room. He looks so handsome and snuggly and sleepy. And I would love to be sleeping. But alas, I can't.

I go into our bathroom. I turn on the light. I am blinded. I don't like it.

I brush my teeth as the shower water gets hot. I always gag when I brush my tongue. I don't like that.

I shower. It is warm and lulls me back to sleep. I get out of the shower. Not warm. I don't like that.

I put on my robe, wrap my hair in a towel, and step back out into the dark bedroom. I stop and stare as my dog has taken my spot on the bed. He is sleeping. In my spot. I walk over and move him and he just walks over to the foot of the bed, by Grant's feet, and lays back down. Immediately falls asleep.

I imagine that Grant's feet are all nice and warm because Moxie is sleeping on them. I am this close to climbing back in bed. But I don't.

I go into my bright, abrasive kitchen and sit down at the table to spend a few minutes reading my Bible. I like that.

But it must come to an end. Even though I am now very relaxed and calm, I have to go back into the bright, abrasive bathroom to blow dry my hair.

I stop as I walk through the dark, quiet bedroom. Husband and dog are passed out.

I really would like to be passed out.

I blow dry my hair. I plug in the chi.

I put on work clothes and heels. I don't like it.

I chi my hair. Husband's alarm starts going off.

He immediately hits snooze and goes back into the passed out state he was previously in. All curled up by our snuggly dog.

I put on make-up.

I come to the side of the bed, and tell him that I'm leaving. He sits up. Hugs me.


Can't handle it.

I kiss him and then leave.

And sit in traffic. To go to work.

I don't like it.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Always, Sometimes, Never


Set two alarms in the morning...
Shampoo, Condition, Face Wash, Shave, Body Wash... IN THAT ORDER...
Wait too long to do the laundry...
Sing harmony to every song I hear...
Say "I love you" when ending phone calls with friends and family...
Cry when singing "In Christ Alone"...
Think of Lindsee when I hear songs with big notes with big harmonies...
Watch "The Soup" on Friday nights...
Think about what I'm going to eat for my next meal...
Enjoy the queso at Chili's...
Say thank you...SINCERELY.... when a man opens a door for me...
Read the Society section of the Chronicle on Sundays to read about the weddings.....
Talk too much...
Listen to Mike & Susan in the morning....
Have color on my toes...
Play songs in the key of D when I'm making something up....
Want to buy another candle....

Eat french fries without ketchup...
Feel like watching golf...
Miss highschool...
Use fancy face creams...
Love my job....
Wipe the kitchen countertops before I go to bed...
Wish I still did musical theater...
Embarass myself...
Call Moxie "The Buddy"...
Lay in bed before work and surf the internet on my Blackberry....
Wish I were taller....
Check sitemeter to learn how people found my blog...
Crave a salad...
Know what I'm going to blog about before I start typing...


Think I look tan...
Cook steaks (Grant does)...
Have long nails...
Go to bed before 10:00...
Enjoy watching World Series of Poker...
Get tired of being Grant's wife...
Understand how the stock market works...
Claimed to be good at math or science...
Get mustard or mayonaise on a burger or a sandwich...
Have been to Hawaii...
Like the Swiffer commercials...
Drink enough water...

**This post inspired by Annalee**

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Some of My Friends Have Their Babies in a Transformer

There is a hospital here in Houston.

I drive by it every single day, atleast twice a day.

Sometimes 4 or 5 times a day.

On the top of this hospital is an architectural masterpiece that makes everyone that sees it go, "Huh?".

This hospital is actually a Transformer.

I realized that the other day as I drove by. I finally realized what it was.

It will henceforth be referred to as Optimus Prime or MegaTron.

Several of my girlfriends have delivered their sweet little ones in this hospital. In fact, when I mentioned this whole situation on Facebook the other day, my hilarious friend Amy commented: "My lady doctor is in Optimus Prime's helmet".

As I was looking for pictures of the hospital, I came across the architect's rendering of what he wanted the finished product to look like. He absolutely wanted it to look like a Transformer.

We're still quite a ways away from having babies.... but I think I'd like to deliver there. It seems like it would be an adventure. I don't even think I would need an epidural.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Labor Day Lounging

Let me tell you what kind of weekend I have had.


It has been like a vacation!

This is largely due to the fact that I have been relaxing and napping and laying on couches and laying in beds with big comfy blankets. My soul is happy.

Let me break the weekend down for you:

Friday night the husband and I had a very fancy date night at Chili's. There's not much I love in life more than the queso at Chili's. I have a very close relationship with queso and Chili's queso and I may be the closest. We had a very special moment when our precious waiter was putting my plate down in front of me and he did the "accidental boob graze" and it was just all kinds of awkward.

Saturday morning we woke up and I made pancakes. I wish they were fluffier but, oh well. Then my dad came over and took my Grant away. They went hunting for 2 days with my uncles because they enjoy guns and camoflauge and things like that. So after I hugged and kissed him goodbye, I headed out to Cypress to spend some quality time with my mom. We had lunch at Newk's (HELLO POTATO SOUP) and then drove out to the outlet mall.

I got TWO pairs of shoes at Nine West. Both are great for work. And I found my black pumps! They are not pointy-toed but they are super cute and I think they'll work. I also went to Ann Taylor Loft (GLORY) and used the gift card Lindsee gave me for my birthday. I got a shirt and a pair of earrings for free :) Thanks for my Happy Birthday, Lou!

After we conquered the outlet mall, we went and picked up my sister Jaclyn and my niece Grace to get our toes down. Jaclyn and I got a pedicure. Grace got her toes painted and she was very intense and took the whole thing very seriously. She got her toes painted pink and also got a white flower.... she was so excited. A woman in the nail salon told Jaclyn that we were creating a monster.

I got my toes painted in my favorite OPI color called "I'm Not Really A Waitress". I am just ever so classy.

I left my mom's house and met Lindsee, Missy, and Amanda in the HEB parking lot where we witnessed a crime and became detectives. A tow truck was backing up and hit another pickup truck, causing alot of damage. He continued on with this business and we sat in that parking lot and stared at him until he finally did the right thing and wrote a note for the driver of the car he hit.

After we had done our civic duty, we went a-bowling. I was very impressed by Missy and Amanda's bowling skills. They have the spiritual gift of bowling. I bowled 2 strikes for the first time in the history of my bowling career. I also witnessed Amanda giving Lindsee a bowling lesson which was a highlight of the night for me. "It's LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT".

Then Missy met us for dinner at Texas Roadhouse (a typical choice for a girls' night dinner) and WE PUT DOWN SOME ROLLS. God bless the cinnamon butter. Being the grown-ups that we are, we all decided to get salads and steaks. Or, not. We all got Chicken Critters. Grown-ups, y'all. Grown-ups.

Missy took some fabulous pictures! I stole them off of her blog. Isn't she a great photographer?

I had such a great time with the girls! Then I came home and stayed up as late as I can which is what I do when I'm home alone without Grant. The later I stay up, the more tired I get and the easier it is for me to fall asleep. Sadly, I woke up several times throughout the night with bad dreams. :( I HATE that.

Sunday morning I got up and went to church all by my lonesome. Pastor Gregg preached a GREAT sermon and then I came home and got in comfy clothes. I ate Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (may His name be praised) took a nap, and lounged on my couch all afternoon. I watched a lifetime movie starring Kelly Preston. I watched The Holiday (see the blog post below about that movie) and I also got sucked into a marathon of The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo. OH MY GOODNESS. I am now obsessed with that show. I love how she says things like "Ohmigod I am totally obsessed with this cape. This is the best cape ever. I can't handle it. Something just happened" with ZERO expression or enthusiasm in her voice. It's hi-larious.

And then I went over to see Jim, Liz and baby Lily girl. We ate Subway and went and got frozen yogurt and solved all the world's problems.

And then I came home. And then around midnight my husband came home in all his hunting gear and I made him take a shower.

And then this morning we had a breakfast date at Cracker Barrel. GOD BLESS OATMEAL AND BROWN SUGAR.

And then Grant went to play golf and I came and laid in bed and it's raining and it's perfect and peaceful. We've been doing absolutely nothing all day. I love me some rain.

I totally feel like I've had a vacation!!

Friday, September 3, 2010

And I Will Always Watch You

Sometimes I will be on the couch on a lazy day and I'll start flipping through channels. And movies will be on. And sometimes I will catch the beginning of a movie. Sometimes the middle. We may even be 5 minutes away from the end. But there are a few movies that I will ALWAYS ALWAYS watch if they are on, no matter where I catch them. I don't care if I've seen them two hundred times. I will always watch them. No idea why. Some of them are not even that great of movies but I just love it.

Notting Hill

I don't know why I continue to watch this movie but I just love it. Love them together.

Pride & Prejudice

I do love the BBC version but the Keira Knightly version is on tv more. I have to say though, I was SO ANGRY the other day when I watched it all the way to the end and they started rolling the credits after the scene where Elizabeth's father agrees to let her marry Mr. Darcy. This angered me because they totally omitted the scene where they are on the terrace and he does the whole "Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy" thing that I loooove. RUDE.

For Love of the Game
This is one of the random ones. No idea what my fascination with this movie is. I've watching it a billion times. I love the scene in the Emergency Room... "IS THIS NOT AMERICA?!? IS BASEBALL NOT AMERICA'S FAVORITE PASTTIME?!?!"

Father of the Bride
The most shocking thing about this choice is that it is on EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND.

Pretty Woman

My favorite scene is everyone else's favorite scene.. When she's shopping with all those bags and she goes back into the snooty store and does the whole "Big Mistake. BIG. HUGE!" line. LOVE.

Out of the entire collection on the blog today, this has hands down the worst acting of all. But there is something about Charlie that is adorable and Jodie Sawyers is just so gosh darn likeable. And the dancing is cool. I always watch this movie...

Bridget Jones' Diary

Oh, Mark Darcy. He likes her. Very much. Just the way she is.

The American President

Another random one. I don't know why I'm so weird but this is a great movie.

The Holiday

Grant's mom is with me on this one... she loves this movie too! It's the only time I've ever liked Jude Law.

When Harry Met Sally

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible".


A League of Their Own

"Batter up, hear that call! The time has come for one and all... to pla-a-ay ball!! We are the members of the All-American League, we come from cities near and far. We've got Canadians, Irish ones and Swedes, we're all for one, we're one for all, we're All American!"

A Few Good Men

Oh, I will watch it to the very end just to see the "You Can't Handle the Truth!!" scene. EXCELLENT acting.

What about you? What are your movies?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I Just Started Typing and This is What Came Out

I have a heck of alot going on right now and I love it.

Kids' Choir started again last night at church! Oh my goodness... we had SO many kids... I was overwhelmed and excited and tired when it was all over. One little one ran to me and hugged me and said "Mrs. Judy, I missed you sooooooooooo much!". She called me Judy all year last year. Fine by me ;)

I'm also singing with the "big choir" for the big Christmas program in December. We've already started rehearsals and y'all I am having so much fun. I've always known I was a nerd but it was confirmed to me again when I got home from rehearsal on Saturday and Grant asked me if I had fun... my response was "YES! I had SO MUCH FUN! I LOVE to SIGHTREAD!!". Grant just stared at me and said "Wow, babe....". The big choir taps into a musical part of me that has been buried for a long time but I am just having a ball! I'm always up for spending the day singing Christmas music!

Although, I had a very embarassing situation on Saturday during rehearsal that involves a horrifying experience that took place when I unexpectedly had to change clothes in the same room as 9 women who were 65 and older. It is a bit "blog inappropriate" but let's just say that these women probably have now labeled me the hussy of the choir. I told Grant about it and he had another classic Grant response. "Nice, babe...."

Work is going well. For awhile there it was going not so well.. but things are on the upswing and I'm very happy. We have alot going on and I am busier than I've ever been but all in a good way.

Also on the horizon is the fall television season. For those of you that have been reading my blog since the early days, you know that television in our household is practically an event. However, this summer we have had nothing to watch except for "Bachelor Pad" and we all know that that is quality television. Elizabeth is a wack-a-doo. Straight up crazy. But I am greatly looking forward to the return of The Office, Grey's Anatomy, Community, Ellen, Oprah and How I Met Your Mother. This is going to be a good year for my shows, I can just feel it!!

I am also currently watching "Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta" and that just makes me laugh so hard I can hardly stand it. I love Southern women. We just have a different way of saying things. "I can't believe I just found my dress, y'all. This is a big moment". Cracks me up.

God is good. He's been showing off lately. Our sweet Olivia Claire, our niece who is just over 2 months old, was hospitalized this weekend with Viral Meningitis. Poor baby girl.... thankfully the Lord has healed her and our prayers were answered. She left the hospital on Monday night and we are so thankful.

Alright this blog doesn't seem to have a direction or a purpose so I'm just gonna cut it off here. This was not one of my bests, y'all. Not one of my bests.

I leave you today with this nugget of ever-important wisdom from Jerry Seinfeld:

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end".

Chew on that. Memorize it. Hide it in your heart.