A God Given Passion

Just a warning: this is going to be a very sappy blog. But it needs to be written!

Last night, husband and I went to see "August Rush". I had high expectations for this movie, despite all the negative reviews I had read. And let me tell you, my expectations were met and far exceeded. However, I do understand the negative reviews. Allow me to explain: If you are NOT a musician, there is a good chance you will not like this movie. I think non-musicians don't understand the real message of the movie.

First of all, you need to understand BEFORE you see it that there are fairy tale elements to this movie. There is magic and unrealistic circumstances. But also remember that it is a MOVIE and it is allowed to have fairy tale elements! But the reason I said that non-musicians may not like this movie is because some people who are non-musical don't understand the power of music. And that is really what the moral of this story is: Music has power.

I was on the verge of tears the entire movie, and not about the storyline. When we walked out of there, Grant and I talked for the next hour or so (as I wiped tears from my face!) about what music means to us.

This is something I know for certain.... the feeling I get when I hear music performed with perfection, when I hear two notes in harmony that seem like they have been waiting and waiting to come together, when I hear a 100 piece orchestra all make different noises that come together to make one glorious sound...the feeling I get when I hear that.... I KNOW that it is from Jesus. I believe with my whole heart that my Lord wired me to have an intense and joyous passion for music.

I can think of several times in my life where hearing a certain symphony, or a certain song, or even one singular note has taken my breath away. It overwhelms me. I feel like it is the Lord speaking to my soul.

Some people look at creation and say "Look at the mountains! Look at this earth and the galaxy! How can you see these things and not KNOW that there is a God and that He loves us!?" That is how I feel about music. How can you hear those sounds and not KNOW that there HAS to be a higher power! Music has always just been there. No one invented it. No one created it. It simply existed. It has no boundaries and no rules. Music is what you make it.

I also found myself to be very sad last night. As a child, my love for music consumed me. I started singing as soon as I could talk, I started piano when I was 6 I believe, I sang in the children's chorus starting at 9 and never really stopped. When I was in junior high I decided I wanted a new challenge and took up french horn. Then after eigth grade I knew it was time for me to start musical theater. Musical theater seemed to encapture all my greatest loves and tied them all together, and I did that on into college.

But now, I look at where I am today. I am no longer in Houston, so all my avenues of performance and music are no longer here with me. I am married and I would rather not spend every single night of my week in a rehearsal. I don't desire an intense career in musical theater. And the children's chorus is too far away for me to pour myself into and release my creative juices there anymore.

But as I said to Grant last night, "I have this overwhelming feeling of joy when I am surrounded by music, and I am doing NOTHING with that passion. NOTHING". I have ignored music for the past few years. I have no idea why. I am not singing anywhere except my car, I am not playing piano because I don't have one. I am not doing anything with this God-given passion.

I have go to do something! Last night I started praying that God will show me a place, or a way that I can start feeling that feeling again. Grant is actually an incredible guitarist, and last night we decided that we are gonna start making music together. In the 3 1/2 years that we've been together, I can count on one hand the number of times we have done that. How sad is that! I was remembering that when my now sister-in-law, Ronda, was telling me about Grant and why she wanted to introduce us, one of the reasons was because "you are both very passionate about music". Music is one of the reasons the Lord led her to bring us together! And we are IGNORING IT!

I'm sorry about this rant, and if you think I'm a little freaky now I apologize. :) I just know that music was put into my soul and that is something I have cast aside for so long now, because I felt I needed to "grow up" a bit. But it is a part of me. And I am bringing it back to the surface!

Deep breath. I'm okay now. :)