I'm sorry that I have to be so vague here on the old blog, but it is all public and I don't know who is reading and I need to be careful.
Bottom line: The week started bad, progressively got worse, couldn't come up for air, then something totally unrelated happened that made me cry and then it got even worse after that.
I felt trapped. Confused. Misguided. Without direction. Angry. Bitter. Disappointed. Sad.
I honestly just did not know what to do or how to go about doing it.
I wrote a blog post called "Happiness Methods" where I reminded myself to pour it into prayer. And I did. It was one of those prayers that go something like this:
"Hey there. Hi. Um, I know You are well aware of everything going on down here with me and I know You love me and You know I love You and I'm all about Your plan but HEY I AM A BIT CONFUSED and so maybe You could somehow let me know what You're doing? Or just give me peace as it's happening? Cause I'm melting down and no one can fix it but You and I trust You and all that but please just tell me what You want me to do. Okay? Thanks."
And then, yesterday, something happened. Maybe not necessarily a solution to my problem.... but indeed a GIANT step in the right direction and what to me felt like a strong "I'm working on it" from above.
My point is, my prayer was answered... maybe not in its entirety.... but I was HEARD. I was heard in heaven and I was heard by the powers that be here on earth.
I have been an emotional wreck this week... just an absolute joy. I know my poor Grant is exhausted but he has been great as I have spent this week trying to sort all this stuff out. It wasn't until I stopped trying to sort it out that God had the chance to put some things into motion.
He couldn't put it into motion until I let go of it.
Are y'all confused yet? I typically get really annoyed when people write these vague blog posts where they are speaking in code and I'm all "Um, hi, this does nothing for me".
So I'm sorry if this is not your favorite but sometimes I just need to type stuff out..... so months or years from now I can come back and read this post and remember His faithfulness.
Also, this happened today.
And that just makes it all better.