Let's start by saying that I am currently sitting my lazy butt on my big couch under a big blanket. And I ate tamales with chili and cheese and tortilla chips tonight. And I am wearing a big t-shirt because it is Grant's and it is soft. And I'm wearing grey pajama pants cause they have an elastic waistband which is helpful with the whole tamale-eating after effects. I just wanted to state those facts because I need you all to know that I am aware of my current state as I sit here and cast judgment on these beautiful, skinny people wearing divine evening gowns and dripping with jewels.
I loved watching the Red Carpet tonight. I had a couple moments where I talked to the TV. And by "a couple moments" I mean the whole time. So, as has been a tradition around here, let's look at some pictures and I will share my thoughts via sarcasm and sentence fragments.
This is the adorable Amy Adams. The silhouette of this dress is just perfection. Great color on her. I would like to see what it looks like with a necklace. But all in all, great choice!
Anna Kendrick is 7 different kinds of darling. Seriously. A doll.
Anne is in a great dress for a presenter. It really shimmered on stage. However, I think I'm ready for her to grow her hair back out.
This dress is so feminine and delicate. Really lovely.
Oh, Cate. She always, always chooses such a timeless look. MOVIE STAR, right there. Perfection.
THE NECKLACE. I can't even.
KRISTIN CHENOWETH, ladies and gentleman. This dress is AMAZING. The beading. So dang fabulous. And she is fabulous. And she came with her boyfriend and I'm super happy for her about that.
Mr. Channing Tatum, winning at the Handsome Contest. And his wife, Jenna, who made all the right decisions with this look. Flawless.
I mean really. Look. Can you imagine wearing something like this? Could you just die?
Y'all. This is so, so pretty. And I can't even talk about her hair. Okay, yes I can. HER HAIR IS HOW I WANT MY HAIR TO LOOK EVERYDAY. LIKE, NOT IN THIS PONY TAIL IT IS IN RIGHT NOW. I WANT HER HAIR. I. WANT. IT.
I audibly gasped when I saw Giuliana's dress. Because I'm dramatic like that.
HONEY GO LAY DOWN
This is giving me contractions.
IDINA MENZELLLLLLLLLL IS HERRREEEEEE!!! LET IT GOOOOOO!!!
Jennifer Lawrence. Her necklace looked super amazing from the back, too. Didn't love her hair, but all in all I love her. I kinda feel like she has worn this color at a red carpet last year maybe?
Well, look at the Pitt-Jolies. So nice of them to join us.
HI JULIA!!! LOVE YOUR DRESS!!
What do you call this thing on her shoulders? Is that a cape? It's kinda cool, right?
MRS. SKINNY McPENCIL
Olivia Pope, y'all. Super pregs and super precious. She is so stinkin' gorgeous I can't even handle.
This is hands down one of my favorites of the night. It was so delicate and intricate and she really knows how to do a red carpet right. SO pretty.
Just so classy and elegant.
I kinda want to wear this around my house. And do some jazzy kicks.
I wish the true color of this dress was picked up in the photographs. I couldn't find a picture that did the color justice. It was the most beautiful, vibrant blue. And her headband... WOW.
Mr. & Mrs. McConaughey. Doing the Oscars right. She's just a little tiny bit gorgeous.
Do we usually see her hair up? I don't know, but I think it looks beautiful. Her skin is amazing.
This is exactly how I looked when I was pregnant.
Hi. You are all one color.
WHAT. WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT. WHY. WHAT.
Sandra Bullock. Navy blue is amazing on her. And the cut of this dress. And her hair. And her earrings. And I feel like I should mention the hair one more time. HER HAIR.
Winners of the night (in my esteemed opinion): Sandra Bullock, Mrs. Channing Tatum, Giuliana Rancic, Cate Blanchett, Kristen Bell, Jennifer Garner, and Kristin Chenoweth.
Share your thoughts, y'all. Thanks for reading :)