Even Then

More and more everyday, I realize that I am always learning. God is always teaching me something to help make me a better friend, wife, daughter, sister, employee... and He's revealed something to me recently that shows me more about God's unconditional love and faithfulness than ever before. Here's what I have recently discovered about me:

I don't fully come to God if I don't feel like I have it altogether. If it's a bad day, or I'm too tired, or the house is a mess, or the laundry isn't done, or I sat on my bootie and did nothing for 5 hours, or I haven't put any effort into much of anything for awhile, I don't come to God. I don't come to Him with requests, thanksgiving, praise or anything.

I DO come to Him when things are going well. My house is clean. There is dinner on the table. All of my clothes are put away. My car is washed. I made the bed this morning. I got alot conquered at work today. That is when I come to Him fully, and pray with my whole heart. Something in my head goes, "Okay Jen, now is the time you can talk to Jesus. Everything is in it's place". I have a hard time coming to Him if everything isn't just right.

Girls, that is SO not how our God works! It's so sad because those times when I don't have it altogether is when I need Him the MOST. When I think about the subconsious behind it, I see that the reason I am not coming to Him when my life is a mess is because I am ashamed, and I know that my life isn't glorifying Him. However, God loves us more than that.

He loves you even when you can only be classified as a hot mess. He loves you when you spent the better part of your Sunday afternoon watching horribly predictable Lifetime movies. He loves you when you have no motivation, no enthusiasm, and no will-power. He loves you when your house is a mess and your laundry is piling up.

I am (once again) quoting a Nichole Nordeman song that helped reveal this entire situation to me.

Even Then by Nichole Nordeman

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake
In the middle of the night
When the expectations are too great
And the bar is raised to high

So I do the best with what I've got
And hope that no one knows
That I strain to see how high I can
Try to stand on these toes
Until I'm measured, but You know better

So thank You, Jesus
Even when You see us just as we are
Fragile, frail and so far from who we want to be
Thank You, Jesus
Even when the pieces are broken and small
Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind
Thank You even then...

So I put aside the masquerade
And admit that I am not okay
Which may not be the thing to say
But I'm not ashamed to need You more each day

So thank You, Jesus
Even when You see us just as we are
Fragile, frail, and so far from who we want to be
Thank You, Jesus
Even when the pieces are broken and small
Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind
Thank You even then...

We raise the standard and try to reach You
But we'll never get there, and we don't need to

So thank You, Jesus
Even when you see us just as we are
Fragile, and frail and so far from who we want to be
Thank You, Jesus
Even when the pieces are broken and small
Dreams shatter, and scatter like the wind
Thank You even then....

She states so clearly what I'm trying to say. WE DON'T NEED TO BE PERFECT. God asks that we strive to do everything with excellence, but He never says "But I shalt not love you on your off-days". I am so thankful that we serve a God of mercy and compassion.

What bothers me most is that when I am in those pits are the times that I need Jesus the most to pull me out. It's one of those simple solutions that I just refuse to see for some reason. God is not a God of shame.

I don't know if I am the only one who does this, but if I'm not, please know, sweet sister, that He loves you the just the same, even when you don't have it altogether. Take a deep breath.