I have really had something on my heart lately. And you know, when something is pressing on your heart, you have to blog about it. That's just the way it goes.
I tend to get really busy, really fast. I have all kinds of places to be and things to do, and it isn't always smooth sailing. Inevitably, things will begin to conflict. And that is where I have panic attacks. (And by panic attacks, I mean laying in bed, pulling the covers over my head and asking Grant if we have a snack that is a combination of sweet and salty).
For instance, as of right now, there are no less than 3 things that I need to be at on Tuesday nights. One is rehearsal for the children's chorus. One is our Sunday school class' small group Bible study. And lastly is a weekly class taught by our beloved Beth. All three of these things, all at the same time! What to do?!
I had committed to the children's chorus office back in August that I would be there on Tuesday nights till the end of the school year, as in May. So clearly, since I told them they had me through May, I need to be there through May. But I started to rationalize with myself. "But I want to go to Beth Moore! I mean, she is teaching the Bible! I think that is much more important than assisting at a rehearsal!". And then I started to think about small group... and my thoughts went to "Well, at Beth, it is just for me. But if we go to small group, that is something we do as a couple, and Grant and I need to be in a small group. We need to socialize and make friends with people". But I just kept hearing the Lord press on my heart, "Honor your commitments".
Wednesdays are crazy for me. I go straight from work to church. From 6:00-7:00, I help teach the preschool choir. I know it is only an hour, but ya'll, it is EXHAUSTING. (I love the 4 year olds, but I can only say "don't throw the bongo drums, please" about 3 times before I want to start crying). Then, at 7:00, I move downstairs to adult choir rehearsal. We sing praise songs for about and hour and a half. The whole thing ends around 8:30. When all is said and done, I leave my house to go to work at 7:30am and don't get home until 9:00pm. I am often tempted to just say "I am going to skip choir tonight" cause I am just so gosh darn tired that I think I may fall asleep in the middle of a song! (And, let's face it, American Idol has started again. Thank you, Lord, for Tivo).
Again, I begin to rationalize. To be real honest, by the time I get to adult choir on Wednesday nights, I find it really hard to put myself in worship mode. So I begin to think that maybe if I'm not worshipping, that perhaps I just might as well not be there.
HONOR YOUR COMMITMENTS, He will say to me.
I don't ever want anyone to be disappointed in me. Or find me untrustworthy or irresponsible. I want to be true to my word! And the last thing I want is to be overwhelmed or useless to the people that are depending on me. I want to serve with a joyful heart and a positive attitude. I don't want to be there because I have to be there. I want to be there because I am serving the Lord with the gifts and talents He has given me.
And while I am sad to miss Beth Moore's new Bible study, and sad to miss a great time of fellowship with other couples, I know that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be.
Also, the Lord gave me a little surprise last night at the children's chorus rehearsal. The director gave me this semester's music and I was so excited to see one of my favorite pieces in the mix. I had not heard "Gloria Tibi" since I was in about 7th grade, but I remembered every note and every entrance. I kept telling the kids, "This is the coolest song! This song is so fun!". The kids just looked at me like I was nuts.
And let's face it, I kinda am!