Monday, October 17, 2011

Sports

I am what you might call a non-athlete. Athletically challenged, if you will.

I have never, ever played on an organized sports team. I was all-music right out of the gate and never really enjoyed being outside or sweating or running and I had a tendency to start wheezing after physical activity so my parents put me in singing and piano lessons and called it a day. 

In middle school, a coach told me that I had two options: 

1. Run the track with everyone else
2. Hug a tree for the remainder of gym class.

I love that he thought that this would've been a hard decision for me. Um, YES I WILL HUG A TREE FOR THE NEXT HOUR. It was a beautiful day and I thoroughly enjoyed my day hugging one of God's most majestic creations. 

In college, a guy friend of mine called me BEGGING me to come to the Rec Center as it was the finals of their co-ed flag football team and they were short a girl and I just HAD to be there or they would have to forfeit. I assured him 13 times that he doesn't need me to be there and that they would surely lose. I finally agreed to come after he promised me I could just stand there. He then told me I needed to wear pants or shorts with no pockets and then I got REALLY stressed out about wardrobe. Long story short, I went. However, at one point someone mistakenly handed me a football and all these people were running at me so I promptly sat down indian-style on the field and closed my eyes.

I'm saying all this because this is the season where sports are on every channel and I am just underwhelmed. I enjoy the spirit of competition and I feel like I need to try to get involved and root for a specific team but I just find myself getting distracted from the game. I also spend a lot of time empathizing for the players, coaches, and family members of the players and coaches. 

After seeing a wounded player: "You know his mom is freaking out right now"

After learning that a coach's job is on the line if his team loses: "Oh, well I'm totally rooting for his team. He needs to keep his job. He probably has kids!"

When a coach is mean looking: "Why is he always so unhappy?! A positive attitude would probably help."

When a generally unknown player makes a big play: "That's so exciting for him! I bet his wife is crying right now cause she's so proud of him"

"Do you think those refs have favorite players?"

"He just said a cuss word. Did you see that? He said a cuss word"

"People need to stop being so hard on him."

"I DO NOT LIKE HIM. His hair is HORRIBLE."

"Their pants are the color of a highlighter."

Anyhoo, all my friends are all worked up about sports and things and I'm trying to get there but I just don't know how I can do it. 

I've learned that the World Series is about to start (found out about that this morning), something is going on with Basketball where they aren't playing right now cause they are boycotting something, and the Aggies won this weekend. I AM AN ENCYCLOPEDIA OF SPORTS INFORMATION.

Also, that yellow line they show on the field on TV during a football game? It's NOT REALLY THERE!

Please note that I am actually quite good at Air Hockey and I will take you down.

7 comments:

Jaclyn said...

love this post. love that you mean every word.....i mean, you KNOW those mom's are so worried!
Remember when dad was explaining to me how the refs work...and I said "oh, so they are all friends and they travel together the whole season?" he was like "well, i don't really know if they are friends jaclyn, but they do travel together." ha!

Katie Shepherd said...

You have such a way with words!

I learned about two years ago that the line is not really there. It was the first game I watched with my now-fiance (getting married in less than two weeks! Praise God!). He let me watch the entire game, questioning the whole time how and WHO kept painting new lines and erasing the old lines so quickly.

Jennifer said...

The yellow line is not really there, but if you are channel surfing and see a blue football field...it really IS blue.

Tim Crane said...

I love you. I also love sports (except baseball, because seriously, could anything be more boring??? I mean, I suppose some folks think golf could be, but I have a vested interest). I also love pretty much everything about this post. Especially the bits about the yellow line and the flag football game.

annalee said...

i love this post. and your sports talk.

Laura SQ-The Boy Mommy said...

well said! so funny!

cristina said...

why does it take me so long to read your posts? :)
you're a funny lady!