The Last Day Without Her

In just a few hours, we will head to the hospital.

And, Lord willing, sometime tomorrow our daughter will be born.

Tomorrow.

AI almost can't remember what it's like to not be pregnant. As I type this, Ellie is kicking and rolling and I can't believe that in just a matter of hours I will be holding her in my arms.

We've had such a nice day. Unfortunately, both Grant and I have a sinus infection. We're both on antibiotics and they are working, but we aren't feeling 100% ourselves. We slept in, laid in bed, laughed, messed with the dog, had brunch, ran a few errands, and came back to the house to do our normal Sunday afternoon activity: watch golf while taking a nap.

I had a weepy moment the other night. I got sad realizing that this chapter is over. This chapter of just the two of us. Our routine, our daily life, our normal is going to change. And that's okay. And I know it's going to change for the better. But I have loved this season. I have loved this time with my darling husband. It's been five and a half years of learning, loving, and laughing together. And now it's going to be different. Our morning routine will be different. Our bedtime rituals will be different. Getting in and out of the car will be a whole new world :)

My mom likened it to the feeling she had when she moved out of the house I grew up in. She knew she was moving to a bigger house and a better house, but the house she was leaving was the house that all of us were babies in.... and she was sad to leave it. What she went on to was better, but saying goodbye was a very sad thing. And that's what I was feeling.

Many people have asked me if I'm nervous. I am. I'm nervous about labor. I'm nervous about delivery. I'm nervous I might have to have a c-section. I want her to be okay. I want Grant to be okay (he's squeamish in hospitals) and I'm nervous about breast feeding.

But I'm excited. I'm excited to see her, touch her. To kiss her face and hold her. I'm excited to see what color hair she has and who she looks like. I'm excited to see all the friends and family that are traveling in as I type this to meet her. It'll be a fun week.

And I know I'm going to be tired. I know that life is about to get really hard. But it's also about to get very purposeful and meaningful and I just can't imagine what a drastic change the next 24 to 48 hours has in store for me.

The Lord is in control. He already knows the minute she will be born, and how she will be born. He already has every minute of her life planned out. I'm just the vessel to bring His daughter into the world and raise her to love Him. And I plan on doing just that.

Your prayers are greatly appreciated in the hours, days, and weeks to come.