Thursday, February 19, 2009

A Letter to Nabisco

Dear Nabisco,

I have been a long time customer of your snacked goods. Your honey-flavored Teddy Grams, Nilla Wafers, and Ritz Crackers are staples in my ever-so-healthy diet. Honestly, when you introduced me to Double-Stuffed Oreos, my life changed forever. And it changed for the better.
But today I am writing to express to you my concern and downright dissapointment in some of your newer products: The 100 Calorie Packs.

I understand your plight to jump aboard the "Healthy Snack" train, but honestly, you are compromising the caliber and quality of your snacks. My friends, when I decide to eat some Chips Ahoy cookies (sidenote: Why the name Chips Ahoy?! Are we going sailing with our cookies?) - I expect those cookies to look like this:
However, when I tear open your 100 calorie pack of Chips Ahoy in my quest for something filling, I find these wafer-like bite-sized things that do not resemble a cookie in anyway.


More importantly, each 100 Calorie Pack holds approximately 4 of these wafer-like baked snappy things.

I usually end up eating a 100 calorie pack when I am at work and need a little boost between lunch and dinner. A 100 Calorie Pack would be a logical solution to my need for some munchies. But, due to the immense wave of unsatisfaction that I feel after eating my four wafers, I end up just busting out a Rice Krispy Treat or a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos to end the hunger. Or maybe even a bag of Movie Theatre Butter popcorn.

Do you see the problem here, Nabisco? Your product is faulty and fails to serve its purpose. While I appreciate you looking out for my health, I never asked you to do that.

These are not Oreos!! They don't even taste like Oreos!! You are being deceitful!


And I am still mega hungry after I eat them!

If you have to have more than 100 calories in a pack to give me a real Oreo, than so be it.

It is the same feeling I get when McDonald's doesn't give me all ten Chicken McNuggets. Liars and cheats.

Thank you for your time. And thank you again for the Easy Cheese.

Sincerely,

9 comments:

AbbyLane said...

amen and hallelujah

Jaclyn said...

hahahaha!! You crack me up. Eating a 100 caolorie pack leaves me wanting about 5 more 100 calorie packs. And you are right, those are so not oreos.....

Lindsee said...

I think you are the funniest person I know.

And no, those oreos, are NOT oreos at all.

However, now the confession comes: I thouroughly enjoy the 100 calorie packs. And I don't know why. I guess I have MADE myself love them since they are the "healthier" thing to eat.

Either way, I love you and you shoud send this to Nabisco.

Lynn Cooper said...

Hilarious and well said!

Lulu SQ said...

only you...

...right on, friend.

Fran said...

Preach it sista! Can't stand the stuff. Total waste.

Kelli said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I like the "OFF" 100 calorie packs! They tend to taste more like real cookies and crackers!

Ronda said...

Too funny, Jen! I recently tried the 100 calorie oreo cakesters and had the same response...disapointment for sure...I'd rather just have a piece of fruit. Thanks for the laugh....very creative!

EMily said...

You Crack me up! I can just HEAR you saying all those things in person. I'm right with you. If I decide to eat cookies why would I want them under 100 calories? I am eating them for the taste! DUH!

Love you!

Em