Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Eggshell People

Every one of us has someone in our lives, or maybe many people in our lives that are "eggshell people". You know, the kind of person that you're scared to talk to. The kind of person that makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells beause you could just say one little thing and SNAP! You're in trouble.

Eggshell people attack. Eggshell people usually cannot be persuaded to the other side. You're wrong. They are right. End of story.

I've made it a major goal in my own life to not be an eggshell person. I want to remain approachable and warm, even if I disagree with you on something. I don't want to be snappy. I don't want to be sassy. And in the case that any of you out there feel that I am an eggshell person, I am so sorry!

One of the eggshell people in my life recently told me that I need to speak my mind more. I need to confront more and not just keep it to myself. I need to defend myself and I need to stop being such a "mouse".

Before I proceed, I think we can all agree that I am not a mouse. I am quite bold and blunt and speak WAY more than I should. Way more. Waaaaaaay more. For lack of better words, I do not shut up.

However, I think that in a moment of conflict or confrontation, I try to say only what I think would be helpful/beneficial to the situation. If something is going to stir the pot even more, I try to avoid it unless I feel that it is absolutely necessary. I am not saying I have always followed this practice. I've definitely said some things in the heat of the moment that I so desparately wish I could take back.

I'm gonna be flat out honest. I get intimidated very easily. That is an insecurity I'm working through... Oh, insecurity. I wish there was a new book by an acclaimed author on this very subject that I could be reading. :)

The thing is, I sometimes wonder if I'm approaching the eggshell people in the right way. I back down cause I don't want to cause a bigger fight. I tiptoe because I don't want to wake the giant. I appease so that I don't anger. And life is happier that way. Easier. But am I being bullied?

Do you have an "eggshell person" in your life? How do you respond to them?

6 comments:

The Rabe's said...

Oh man! It is so hard to be the lovely, patient, Godly person yet not get walked all over. I pretty much don't deal with people like that. Sometimes I just stare at them and don't say a word and it gets real awkward...that is fun.

connorcolesmom said...

I do have eggshell people in my life and they are hard to be around
especially because I am the polar opposite - it takes a lot to offend me and I am pretty easy going
However I am like you - I do not like confrontation - can't everyone just laugh and have a good time :)

Heather said...

oh sweet Jesus I hope I am not an eggshell person!! But I do have some in my life, they are all back home! ha!! :) I wanna do dinner soon with and Lou, what do you think? I need to get out of the house! I had so much fun with you and wanna talk more!

C said...

sharing my epiphany....when i really, really want to defend myself and explain to the person that they didn't understand my meaning, my intention, whatever i think i need to say to "fix" it...it is usually because i do not trust GOD to defend me, to "avenge" me. this is something i still struggle with--i want people to like me, to not say bad and/or false things about me. i am often too preoccupied with what they think and with being "right."
i try to focus on what God thinks of me. and it is between them and God if they're bullying, gossiping, unjustly accusing, etc.

i think that your practice to choose your words carefully is VERY WISE--don't let anyone get you stirred up about being a "mouse." it is about being obedient to God's Word. there ARE times to speak up, but i think Jesus' example of saying nothing is a strong one. i'd say he was bullied, no?

--cristina

Mrs. SQ said...

I want to not "enable" people so much that it's turned into my excuse to be a real "B" sometimes. lol You know what I mean, though. I'm not an enabler and I hope I'm not an eggshell, although, at times I bet I can be since I pretty much always say what I want/think and apparently you can tell exactly what I am thinking just by the look on my face. I didn't know that about myself until somewhat recently (about the look on my face part). Hhhmmm. It's a thought provoker for me, Jen. To not just think about the eggshell people in my life but to consider who I might be one to. There have been people in my life that were so terrible to me in other ways that I was happy to be an eggshell person as use it against other people. Let's think a recent job... wink wink. How wrong it that?! hhmmm

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I stumbled upon your blog, but boy did you "hit home"! Agree with all that you said today. I was glad to read that there is somebody who has the same feelings as me and that I am not crazy. And yes a book by about insecurity by a great author, reading, reading looking for the answers:)
In Him there is no darkness.